


Lay Me At The Bottom Of The River

by Lyoung_50



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But primarily E, Canon-Typical Violence, Cult members being normal human beings, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, John Seed had a terrible childhood, M/M, Rating will change with each chapter, So did Declan Ames, Trope Heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-07-28 10:19:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyoung_50/pseuds/Lyoung_50
Summary: “What did you just say?” He hissed, one hand trailing up Declan’s chest and throat before closing around his jaw to angle Declan’s head down. He wasn’t completely sure how someone seven inches shorter than he was could be so intimidating.“I said…I said yes.” He croaked out. He was really concerned about his legs giving out now. He could feel Joseph staring at them from the bank, but he remained silent.“Yes, you know I will pull your sins from you or yes, you accept us into your heart and want to start on the journey for atonement?”“Yes, I want to atone. I want…I want to stay.”





	1. The Cleansing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally getting around to writing out the entire backstory that I've created for my deputy. Hopefully it won't be too much obnoxious rambling, but I had to write it to get it out of my head. Enjoy.

If he’s being completely honest with himself, Declan knew the moment that Joseph Seed’s eyes caught his when he walked in the door of the church that what they were doing was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The cold stares from Joseph’s brothers (‘John and Jacob’ his brain supplied helpfully) and his sister (‘Faith, not blood’) pinned Declan where he stood, making his boots feel like they were a thousand pounds. Jacob and Faith gave him passing glances, their eyes roaming between each of the three officers in front of them, but John…John just stared. He stared until Declan began to squirm under the scratchy uniform shirt.

His stomach had been churning with acid caused by his nerves. It was his first arrest after graduating the academy. Hope County was supposed to be his fresh start. His escape from all of the drama and the madness. Instead, there he was staring down a psychotic cult leader and his rag tag family at stupid o’clock in the morning.  
It was still better than back home.

When Joseph extended his hands, rosary hanging from the left and callouses spread across his palms with the declaration “God will not let you take me”, Declan knew he was right. He knew that they should have turned tail and ran as far and fast as Staci’s chopper could take them.

That wasn’t what he did, however. He did what he was supposed to, what his training told him to do. He put the cuffs on Joseph, placed a hand on his shoulder, and walked him past the hordes of screaming, snarling Peggies. That’s when everything went to shit.

The world condensed into a spinning, screaming, burning storm when their chopper crashed. He watched in horror as Pratt and Hudson were dragged, kicking and screaming from the wreckage as Joseph raved wildly on the hood of the truck about The Reaping. The marshal dropped to the roof of the chopper and sprinted into the woods, which finally spurred him to yank at his own buckle frantically.

The next few hours were a blur; Running through the woods, taking out more Peggies than he cared to count, driving off with the marshal through gunfire and smoke, a fucking plane, and driving off of the bridge into the river.

Waking up to being zip-tied to Dutch’s bunk was…unexpected to say the least, but he supposed that there were worse situations to be stuck in. He got the run down from Dutch about all four of the Seeds, picked up a gun, and found himself running headlong into the woods to start building a resistance.

Somehow still better than back home.

All of that culminated in where he was, watching a terrified citizen sprinting off screaming into the woods, leaving him standing over two dead Peggies with a smoking SMG.

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” He grumbled, slinging the gun’s strap over his shoulder. At his heel there was a soft whine and a cold nose nudged his hand. “What’s wrong, Boomer? You okay, bud?” He knelt next to the dog, his fingers scratching into the fur behind one ear which earned him a low, pleased rumble. “There’s my good boy.”

The radio on his hip crackled to life, catching both his and Boomer’s attention.

“Brothers and sisters, someone out there is not playing by the rules. Someone is taking from us. Stealing what rightfully belongs to The Father. They are a murderer and a coward. But, God sees them…and God will guide us to them. They will be found, and they will be punished. This is the will of The Father.”

He raised a brow, eyeing the radio skeptically. He knew John was nuts, but he obviously hadn’t gotten the full picture.

“Time to go, Boom. We gotta run.” Declan jogged toward the truck that one of the Peggies wasn’t going to be needing anymore, patted the seat until Boomer hopped in before following after and hammering the gas pedal to the floor. He was ripping the wheel to the left to steer himself into the Ryes’ driveway when the radio crackled to life again.

“John says to bring him in alive! Hit him with the Bliss bullets!” He cursed under his breath, skidding to a stop in front of the porch. Nick stared at him in terror, radio clutched in one hand.

“Boomer, you go stay with Uncle Nick for a little bit, bud. Go.” Boomer looked at Declan mournfully before hopping out of the open truck door and trotting up to join Nick on the porch. “You take care of him for me, Nick! I mean it!” Nick’s panicked response was drowned out by the sound of gravel being kicked up from under the tires when he tore back out onto the road.

The convoy of three trucks loomed in the rearview mirror with Peggies hanging out of windows and sitting in the beds of the trucks. They were closing in on him so he leaned harder on the gas. He had just begun to gain some speed when there was a searing pain at the base of his neck. The edges of his vision began to go white, sparkles making their way across the world as he skidded to a stop on the edge of the road.

“Son of a bitch….” Then the world went dark.

*****

When he came to, it was to the icy rush of water surrounding his body and hands holding him under. Declan kicked and struggled against the hands, his lungs beginning to burn before they lifted him again and he sucked in gasps of air.

Two scraggly looking men in tattered white sweaters with crimson Eden’s Gate crosses painted across the chest stared at him. He knew he was probably a sight with water streaming down his face to cut through the grime on his skin, and coughing like he was trying to expel one of his lungs. It took a moment before he could focus enough to realize that he could hear John’s voice ringing out over the deceptively calm river around him.

“We must atone for only then may we stand in the light of God and walk through His gate unto Eden.” Declan watched John swiping his thumb over the foreheads of two other men soaked to the bone like he was before John’s eyes settled onto him and the Peggies gripping his arms started walking him forward.

His long, tattooed fingers flipped the white leather cover of the tome in his hand closed as Declan came to a stop in front of John. He held a hand out to the Peggie on Declan’s right, a glint in his eyes that was unsettling.

“Not this one.” Declan’s blood turned to ice in his veins. John handed the book over to the Peggie. “This one’s not clean.” Declan barely had a chance to gasp in a breath when John lunged forward, his fingers digging into Declan’s shoulders as he pushed him back under the cold water of the river.

He struggled under John’s hands for a moment before he was brought back up out of the water, coughing and sputtering.

“Ah.” John clicked his tongue, tutting softly and shaking his head. “Shh.” He prepared himself to be shoved back under the water when a velvety voice rang out between them.

“Do you mock The Cleansing, John?” John’s icy blue eyes went wide with fear, his shoulders setting into a rigid line.

“No, Joseph, I--.”

“Shh.” Joseph’s response was sharp, leaving no room for arguing, and John’s jaw clicked shut. “You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that. Bring that one to me.” Declan’s feet moved of their own volition, stumbling across the muddy river bank until he was standing in front of Joseph’s outstretched hands.

He was barely able to contain the whimper that tore at his throat when Joseph’s hands landed on his shoulders.

“Despite all that you have done, you are not beyond salvation. You are not here by accident, or by chance. You are here by the grace of God.” He stared, entranced, as Joseph spoke to him in a near whisper. “You’ve been given a gift, though it remains to see whether you choose to embrace it or to cast it aside.”

Declan gave a numb nod as Joseph’s thumb dragged down the side of his neck before his attention turned back to John, one hand going to cup the back of his brother’s head. He gently brought John’s head closer until their foreheads were touching.

“This one shall reach The Atonement or the gates of Eden shall be shut to you, John.”

“Yes, Joseph.” The response was whispered reverently into the space between the two Seed brothers and Declan almost wanted to look away. The action seemed like he was intruding on something intimate. When Joseph pulled away and walked back to his truck, John’s gaze shifted to bore a hole through Declan. “You will confess every sin you’ve ever committed. No matter how petty, no matter how small, I will pull from you. Then we’ll see if you’re worthy of atonement.”

John turned on the heel of his expensive boot and began to stride back toward his own vehicle, swiping the Book of Joseph back from the Peggie he’d handed it to. Declan watched as both Seed brothers had almost reached their cars and his voice crackled out of his throat before he could stop it.

“Yes.”

The silence that stretched across the river was deafening and Declan felt like his legs were about to give out under him. He vaguely registered that he was thankful for the first time that he had to grubby looking Peggies holding him upright.

John’s shoulders were hunched around his ears, his body unmoving one second and in the next second, Declan could smell the expensive cologne that clung to John’s skin and the clinging scent of coffee on his breath.

“What did you just say?” He hissed, one hand trailing up Declan’s chest and throat before closing around his jaw to angle Declan’s head down. He wasn’t completely sure how someone seven inches shorter than he was could be so intimidating.

“I said…I said yes.” He croaked out. He was really concerned about his legs giving out now. He could feel Joseph staring at them from the bank, but he remained silent.

“Yes, you know I will pull your sins from you or yes, you accept us into your heart and want to start on the journey for atonement?”

“Yes, I want to atone. I want…I want to stay.” His breath hiccupped out embarrassingly as John sneered at him, obviously not believing a word that Declan was saying. “Please, John.” It was a last ditch effort to prove that he was being genuine.

“And why should I believe you? You, the man who’s fought me every step of the way! The man who tried to take my home from me!” John’s anger was palpable, a static charge arching between them, and it made Declan try to take a step back.

“John, he’s stated he wants to atone. Do not question his admission. Your sin clouds your judgment, but he is being true.” Joseph’s gentle hand on John’s shoulder pulled him away from Declan and he took John’s place. “You’ve seen it, haven’t you, my child? The Collapse? Maybe not in visions like I have, but you can feel it in the air. You know that we’re right. And you’re finally on the right side of the Gate. Welcome, my son.”

“Thank you.” If he’d had his wits about him, Declan would have felt embarrassed that he had tears running over his cheeks that he was unable to stop. “I don’t want to go back, I want to stay…please don’t make me leave.” He knew he was begging, but he was shameless in it.

“Of course not, we won’t make you return to those sinners. It would be beneficial to us if you were still operating under the guise of working with them, but if you do not wish to return to them, I won’t make you. You’re home now. You’re home.” Joseph’s hands landed on Declan’s cheeks, brushing away the tears soothingly until his skin was dry. “You’ll stay with John until we can get you a home to call your own. He has guest rooms at the ranch, he’ll provide clothing and you’ll have any food you need. Of course we’ll expect your assistance with preparing for The Collapse, but you’ll have a few days to get yourself settled.

“Thank you, Joseph. I mean…thank you, Father.”

“Joseph is fine, you’re family now. One of us. You’re a special man, Declan. We cannot overlook that, and so we will welcome you into our family with open arms.” He turned to face the stunned man behind him. “Take him home, John. Make him comfortable and get him settled.”

“But, Joseph--.”

“No buts, John. We discussed this, remember? I told you God would send you only what you were capable of handling and what you needed most. You need to trust me that this is just that. Do you trust me, brother?”

“Of course, Joseph.” John’s voice was quiet and his gaze drifted to Declan. He motioned for the Peggies to lead Declan to his car and they did so without hesitation, placing him in the passenger’s seat.

The leather of the truck’s seat was chilling on his wet skin and a shiver ran through him as he watched John speak briefly with Joseph before striding to the truck and climbing into the driver’s seat. He was silent as he put the truck in drive and pulled away from the river.

The silence stretched until they reached the ranch and were both standing in the living room in front of the large, stone fire place staring at one another.

“You must be cold. I’ll get some dry clothes to change into. Your room will be at the top of the stairs, first door on the left. There’s a bathroom attached if you’d like a shower.” John gave him a slow once over, an eye brow raised. “No offense, but you smell as bad as that Boshaw you’ve been running around with did after he fell into the manure pile at the fertilizer plant.”

He couldn’t even argue, John was right. He knew he smelled terrible. That’s what happens when you spend as much time as he has running around in the woods. Declan gave a silent nod and started up the stairs, wet boots squelching with each step.

The guest room was almost the size of his entire apartment just outside of the county and he was awe struck for half a second. A king sized bed was centered on the far wall, adorned in deep green, silk sheets and a black comforter. The frame was a rich mahogany wood, matching the night stands and the dresser on the opposite wall.

Declan kicked off his wet boots and set them aside, hoping that they’d dry at least some by morning, and peeling off his thigh holster. He wasn’t entirely sure that he should be abandoning his gun, but the prospect of a hot shower was too good to pass up.

The bathroom was as extravagant as he had expected. The glass-walled shower was made of stones and looked like the cobblestone streets that he’d once seen in a historical district back East. Black marble shone proudly from the vanity, surrounding a silver sink basin.

His wet clothes made a resounding plop when he dropped them on the tile floor next to the hamper (mostly out of spite, but partially out of sheer exhaustion). The knobs in the shower twisted easily and he waited until the bathroom had pillars of steam snaking through the air before stepping in. The water was just shy of too hot, but it was exactly what his aching muscles needed.

As much as he didn’t want to think about it, the events of the day crept in like shadows. He’d joined Eden’s Gate. He was in a damned cult. What was Earl going to say? Staci? Joey? They all had so much faith in him when he walked into the sheriff’s department after graduation. Who knew all it was going to take for him to ditch them was some eloquent words about an apocalypse and the disarming blue eyes of the person that tried to drown him. What a sucker.

“Deputy?” Declan did not yelp, thank you very much. He screamed. A manly scream. “Relax, it’s just me.”

“I’m naked, John. Most people knock before barging into the bathroom while someone is in the shower.” He really hoped that the steam was enough to cover his nudity.

“It’s my house, Deputy.”

“Still, common decency.” He grumbled, his hands going to cover himself.

“Anyway. I brought you some dry clothes to sleep in and some for tomorrow. I’m not sure if they’ll fit, I’m not used to having to outfit someone of your…stature.”

“You calling me fat, John?” He probably shouldn’t be poking to bear when it came to John’s mood swings, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“I’m saying that you’re possibly the tallest person I’ve ever laid eyes on. And I’ve known Jacob a very long time. How tall are you, anyway?”

“Six foot five.”

“We may need to have our tailor make you some clothes, but these will do for now. Much better than that God awful flannel that you’ve been running around the forest in.” Declan made a sound of protest.

“Hey! I love my flannel.”

“Of course you do.” John sighed, and Declan could see him dragging a hand over his face through the steamed glass. “It’s late. You need to get your rest, we’ll start getting you settled into your new role here. Joseph would like you to help Jacob in the mountains for a bit over the next few days.” Declan’s breathing stopped all together.

“….Help Jacob with what?” He rasped out.

“Honestly, when it comes to Jacob I find it better not to ask questions. I don’t imagine that it will be anything to taxing on your moral compass. You did, after all, murder several of our project members.”

“They shot at me first. You were a lawyer, right? Self-defense.” He argued, his brow furrowing. “I don’t have to…stay up there with him, do I?”

“No. Unfortunately, you will be coming back here to invade my home each night still and I will arrange your transport to the mountains in the mornings until you can be trusted to drive yourself.” He didn’t need to see John’s face clearly to know that the man was smirking, it was evident in his voice. “Why, Deputy Rook…are you afraid of my dear big brother?”

“Ames.” Declan sighed.

“I beg your pardon?”

“My last name isn’t Rook. It’s Ames. Declan Ames, actually. Rook is just what everyone calls me because I was the rookie on the force.” There was a soft hum from the other side of the glass.

“How long have you been a deputy, Declan.” Oh, his name rolling off John’s tongue was going to be a problem. He should have just let him stick with Rook.

“This, uh…this is my first case. It’s been two weeks.” John’s laugh echoed off the walls.

“Well, I suppose this is the epitome of ‘go big or go home’ then, isn’t it?” He watched as a large hand splayed over the glass and he couldn’t stop himself from raising one hand from covering himself to rest against the same spot, mirroring John. “Welcome home, Declan. We’ll start your atonement in the morning. It will be a long journey to make up for the sins that you’ve committed, but I will be there through the process. We will get you through the gates of Eden with our family. I will need your cooperation. Do not disappoint me.”

“Yes, John.” The response was immediate from his lips and he lowered his hand slowly in time with John’s.

“Sleep. You’ll need your rest.” With that, John turned on his heel an strode out of the bathroom, leaving Declan to shut off the water, dry himself vigorously and dress in the insanely comfortable pajama pants that John had left him. They were a few inches too short, but he didn’t care. Looking at the shirts that had been left on the sink, he sighed quietly. Both the pajama shirt and the button down were a size too small. He could wear them, but he would look like a moron with clothes that tight. He opted not to torture himself with the tight shirt while he slept and crawled into the bed in just the pajama pants.

He was asleep as soon as he hit the sinfully comfortable mattress.

*****

Far too soon he was being shaken awake gently.

“No.” He grumbled, burying his face into the pillow under his head. His stubble caught on the pillow case and he made a mental note that he should probably shave. Maybe.

“Should we add ‘sloth’ to the list of sins you need to atone for then, Deputy?” There was an edge of amusement in John’s voice as he spoke. Declan groaned softly as he stretched, popping his spine before rolling onto his back.

“I think that sloth should be excused before the sun is up. What time is it, anyway?” He rumbled, voice rough with sleep. John swallowed thickly but covered the action quickly by clearing his throat.

“Five. Jacob gets an early start to his days up there so we need to get you in a chopper to get up there.” Declan sat up, the blanket that had been tucked around him pooling at his hips. “…Was there something wrong with the shirts?”

“Yeah, they’re a size too small. I can tough it out with the button down, but if I’m just sleeping I’m going to pass.”

“We’ll find something suitable while you’re in the mountains today.” John nodded, mostly to himself Declan suspected.

“You know, I do have clothes at my apartment. I can just go get them.”

“Or we can send someone to get them.” John snapped, unable to contain the agitation.

“Okaay…why? It’s not like I’m not going to come back, John…I meant what I said about wanting to stay here. I’m in. All in.” Declan soothed, one eye brow raised as he watched John settle himself again.

“Because. We can’t have you wandering out of the county and returning with the National Guard at your heels. That would not do at all.”

“I wouldn’t do that. But, I understand. I can write down the address If you’d like. Then you can send someone to get me some clothes that don’t make me look like a plastic bag that’s stuffed too full.”

“I’ll show you stuffed too full.” John mumbled under his breath, standing.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He snapped, tossing Declan’s jeans and the smaller shirt onto the bed, standing abruptly. “Get dressed. We need to get moving. Jacob is expecting you.”

With that, John exited the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Declan staring before getting himself out of bed and dressed.

It was time to start his atonement.


	2. Dogs of War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob and Declan get to spend some quality time, Judge puppies are the cutest, Staci Pratt is a jealous bean and Declan and John have a heart to heart. What more could you ask for? Not beta'd, all mistakes are all mine.

As it turned out, working for Jacob isn’t anything like Declan was expecting. He spent most of the day moving dog bowls full of a questionable meat that he was positive came from some antlered animal that Jacob had tracked down, switching out blankets for the Judges (while trying not to get eaten), and helping to unload a convoy full of food for he Peggies stationed at the Veteran’s Center. He did spend a large amount of the day moving metal cages that made his back muscles scream and burn under his skin and had blisters cropping up across his palms.  
  
When the sun finally sank below the Whitetail Mountains, he made his way down the hall, checking the few rooms with open doors before catching the attention of a man he’d worked beside all day (he was pretty sure his name was Zach…) and asked where Jacob was.  
  
With a few soft spoken directions from Zach, Declan made his way through the maze of halls and knocked gently on the polished wood door at the end of one of the halls.  
“Come in.” Was the grunted reply and he shouldered the door open, wiping his hands on his jeans. Jacob was behind his desk, leaning over maps that were spread across the large expanse of it and he glanced up when Declan approached. “All finished?”  
  
“Yeah, checked everything off of the ‘Honey Do’ list.” One of Jacob’s eyebrows climbed toward his hairline. “Sorry. Habit.” He mumbled and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Do you know when John is going to be here to bring me home?”  
  
Declan pointedly ignored the fact that he’d let himself call the Ranch “home”.  
  
“He should be on his way here now. Or at least one of his Chosen.” Jacob eyed him critically for long enough that Declan felt himself instinctively puffing up his chest as he’d learned to do…before. It felt like a lifetime ago. “You have this hold on my brother, you know. You make him weak. Stupid.”  
  
“What do you mean? John still seems like a pretty smart guy to me.”  
  
“I mean that he’s different around you. More impulsive. Thinks about his actions less.” Declan couldn’t contain the snort that he let out.  
  
“You mean that’s not just John? I assumed the drama and theatrics were just part of his DNA.”  
  
“Oh no, don’t get me wrong,” Jacob leaned back, setting one booted foot on the edge of the desk and crossing the other ankle over it, his hands going behind his head. It was probably the most relaxed that Declan had ever seen him. “Theatrical drama is John’s specialty. No, what I mean is the fact that he’s not as calculated as he usually is. Sure, John can be a bit eccentric, but there’s always a method behind the madness. It’s what made him a good lawyer. Carefully calculated chaos. But with you? With you, it’s just chaos. There’s no calculation behind it, and that makes him very weak. It’s going to get him killed if he’s not careful.”  
  
“I suppose that means I’ll just have to keep an eye on him, then doesn’t it?” There was a tense silence that hung in the air after Declan’s response. He made himself not squirm and crossed his hands behind his back instead, not allowing himself to break eye contact with Jacob.  
  
“I suppose it does. Don’t let my brother spiral out of control, Deputy. We all have a job, a mission that we’re supposed to be accomplishing. That’s yours. You’re the one that’s going to save John, according to Joseph. Don’t let him be wrong.”  
  
“I don’t plan on it…”  
  
“Good. Because if you do? I’ll feed you to my Judges without a second thought.”  
  
The men stared at each other for a long stretch before Jacob finally stood and rounded the desk to stand in front of Declan.  
  
“C’mon. We’re going to go check on the pups.” He ducked out of the office, not even checking to make sure that Declan was following behind him. They had reached the far end of the compound before Declan caught sight of familiar shaggy, dark hair and trim shoulders.  
  
“Pratt?” He called out without a second thought. The man stopped and turned slowly.  
  
Staci Pratt was thin and the dark circles around his eyes made him look beyond haunted. His arms were full of tattered blankets, but Declan could still tell that his hands were shaking slightly under the blankets.  
  
“Rook, you’re here…you...” Staci squinted at him skeptically, his gaze shifting between Declan and Jacob a few times. “You’re not Blissed…or in a cage. What are you doing in here?”  
  
“You’re little buddy here has defected, Peaches.” Jacob smirked, his voice dripping with smugness. His scarred arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the closest wall, his hips jutting forward cockily. “He said ‘yes’ to my dear old brother, and now he’s working on his atonement so he can be a genuine Eden’s Gate herald. Isn’t that something?”  
  
Pratt gaped at him for a moment, seemingly unable to even try to close his mouth.  
  
“Staci?” Declan tried, taking a step forward. Pratt tensed and he stopped in his tracks.  
  
“You’re joining them? Declan, are you fucking kidding me? You’ve seen what they’re doing to people! What they’ve done to me! To Joey! And now you’re what? Jacob’s new pet?!”  
  
“That’s enough, Peaches.” Jacob snarled, stepping forward quickly. Declan didn’t miss when Pratt flinched violently. “Your friend has shown a lot of strength to be brave enough to join us. He’s seen the Collapse and he knows where he needs to be. Are you going to fault him for that?” Jacob’s hand curled over Pratt’s jaw and Declan could feel the look of shock on his face when Pratt let out a shaky sigh and leaned into the calloused palm.  
  
“No, Jacob. I…I was jealous.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and once again Declan felt like he was intruding on something.  
  
“Jealous of what? Him spending time and working with me?” Pratt nodded, keeping his gaze as far away from Declan as possible. “You don’t need to worry about that, Pup. My brother would have my hands cut off before I touched his precious Deputy. Now, you go take those blankets where they need to be and ponder on how weak jealousy makes you look. We’ll discuss this later. Off you go.” Jacob’s hand connected with Pratt’s hip as he turned the other way and headed off down the hall again.  
  
Jacob and Declan continued down the hall, shoulder to shoulder, in silence until they reached the door.  
  
“So…” Declan started, praying that Jacob would catch his drift.  
  
“Man’s got needs, Dep. You got a problem with that, you can go fuck yourself.” He snapped, turning his head to stare at Declan.  
  
“I’ve got no problem with it. I helped Staci get through his break up with Jameson when I first started at the academy. Not exactly a lifechanging realization for me. You, on the other hand, I wasn’t expecting.” Jacob sniffed derisively and shrugged.  
  
“Not like I had a choice in the matter. Kept it under wraps while I was in the Army, don’t really advertise it now. The people that need to know do and the rest of them don’t fucking matter.”  
  
“I couldn’t agree more.” Declan couldn’t quite bring himself to tell Jacob that he was more aware of how he was feeling than Jacob knew. Instead, he watched Jacob pushing the door in front of them open and he was distracted by the soft whining and high pitched yaps that greeted them.  
  
In the middle of the room was a large wooden pool with waist walls high that he couldn’t quite see over them until he was closer to them. When he finally could see, his breath caught in his throat and he contained the very manly squeal that was catching in his throat.  
  
There were at least ten gray balls of fluff tripping over themselves and hopping at each other in the pool. Jacob was staring down at the puppies fondly when they noticed that he was there and all of the pups flocked to the wall of the pool directly in front of him with little yaps and attempted howls.  
  
“Hey there, everyone. I’ve brought some fresh meat.” Jacob nudged Declan and gestured toward the pool. “Go on, Dep. If your face gets any sappier it’s going to fall off, so just get in there.” A larger Judge approached Jacob and butted his hand with its head. “Evening, Mama.” Jacob knelt, bumping his forehead against the wolf’s and Declan, not for the first time that day, was speechless.  
  
Instead of dwelling on the colossal weirdness that was a Soft Jacob Seed, he scrambled over the wall and laid himself flat on the floor. Within moments, he was covered in a blanket of wolf pups that were tugging at his too-tight shirt and trying to smother him in kisses.  
  
“They’re going to smother you.” Came Jacob’s amused voice.  
  
“If this is how I die, I’m good with that.” One of the pups’ teeth hooked into his nostril and he yelped, pushing the pup toward his chest gently. “However, I would prefer to make it out of this without having a brand new nose piercing.”  
  
He seemed to lose track of time while he was playing with the pups, and it was almost like there wasn’t a shit storm raging through the county. He could imagine that it was just a normal day before he’d signed up for the damn sheriff’s department.  
  
“Having fun?” He shot straight up, careful to keep the few pups on his chest clutched to him so that they didn’t go flying. The pups protested their sudden containment loudly and he set them down, his gaze never moving from John.  
  
“You’re here.” Declan replied dumbly.  
  
“Yes. That’s generally how ‘I’ll pick you up in the evening’ works.” John raised a brow, his voice patient and slow.  
  
“I just figured you’d send one of your lackies. This seems like a long travel time for the guy running the Valley to be making twice a day.” Declan stood, careful not to crush any of the pups as he climbed out of the pool.  
  
“Perhaps I just don’t trust anyone else when it comes to you, Deputy. Did you ever stop to think about that? You have a tendency to be a thorn in my side, so forgive me if I want to keep an eye on you personally.” Declan cringed at the sharp response. He’d thought that they were making progress toward not wanting to kill each other.  
“That’s not...I didn’t mean it was a bad thing. Let’s just go home. Please?” He absolutely was not going to ponder the look in John’s eye when he said home. He was too damned tired for that.  
  
“Of course. The truck is out front, go and I’ll be right out. Be sure that you’re in the passenger’s seat when I get out there, hmm? I need to speak with Jacob. Oh, there are some new clothes for you in the back seat. Our tailor was able to make them quickly. If you get bored, look through them. I even approved a flannel or two.” It was a thinly veiled warning, but Declan nodded in response anyway and headed toward the truck, not allowing himself to stop and try to listen to whatever conversation that Jacob and John were about to have. He was nearly to the door when Jacob spoke to him.  
  
“You did well today, Deputy. You should be proud.” He nodded more so to himself than to Declan. “And we’ll make sure you get to spend more time with those pups this week. They like you. Now, get going.”  
  
With that, Declan scampered out of the room, not quite sure how to react to Jacob being almost nice to him. The door closed behind him and he watched over his shoulder as he moved down the hall, not completely positive that he wasn’t going to be rushed and shot. That was why he nearly mowed down Pratt, just barely turning his attention forward in time and stopping himself.  
  
“Rook.” Pratt breathed out, his eyes wide and his hands fluttering around the space at Declan’s shoulders before settling onto them. “You’re still here.”  
  
“Yeah, John and Jacob are talking. I’m actually on my way to the truck. But, I’ll be back tomorrow and probably the next day. Joseph wants me to help Jacob out this week. Apparently it’s part of my atonement.” He grumbled the last word petulantly.  
  
“Have you seen Joey? I know that she’s with John.”  
  
“I haven’t seen her. I’m sure she’s okay, though.” Honestly, he hadn’t even considered that, which makes him feel a bit like shit. She had been nothing but kind to him since he got hired just before attending the academy. She gave him tips and tricks to make it through training and made sure that he got settled in at the department when he’d graduated. And yet he had completely forgotten to even ask John if she was still breathing. He made a mental note to ask when they were on their way back to the Ranch. “I have to get out to the truck, Staci, but…take care of yourself. And let me know if you need anything…if you need to get away from him. I can probably talk to John, I’m sure he’d--.”  
  
“No! No, I…I want to stay with him. I know it doesn’t make sense but I…I feel like I belong here. I help him through his nightmares and he’s making me strong. We’re helping each other.” Declan knows that it’s probably a cue card that Jacob had recited to him a thousand times and it was probably engrained in Pratt’s brain at that point, but there was no sense to argue with him so Declan just nodded.  
  
He slipped past Pratt and out the front door, climbing into the passenger’s seat of John’s truck. He wasn’t there very long before the front doors opened and Jacob and John were bumping their foreheads together affectionately in farewell. He watched John striding across the uneven dirt of the driveway with rapt interest.  
  
The Peggies that were scattered around the front yard watched him with reverence, some of them even going as dramatic as dropping to one knee and bowing their head like they were reenacting the damned Lion King. John stopped a few times along to way to rest one hand on the heads of those kneeling, murmuring something too quietly for Declan to hear even with the window open.  
  
What seemed like ages later, John was climbing into the driver’s seat, turning over the engine and pulling away from the Veteran’s Center.  
  
“You’ve got some fans.” Declan stated casually. John hummed, his tattooed fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “That must be interesting for a guy like you.”  
  
“It’s exhausting, actually.” John sighed wearily, not bothering to hide his tired tone. “And don’t think I didn’t notice that ‘for a guy like you’ dig. When I’m rested you’ll pay for that, Deputy.”  
  
Declan scoffed, resting his head against the cool glass of the window. The pair bounced along in silence for nearly fifteen minutes.  
  
“Jacob says that I’m going to be a herald. Is that true?” John obviously contemplated his answer for a moment.  
  
“Joseph thinks that it’s for the best.”  
  
“You don’t sound so sure. Doubting darling big brother, John?” If John was going to be quiet and withdrawn, Declan certainly wasn’t going to try to contain his sarcasm.  
  
“Joseph trusts you unconditionally, Declan. I’m not as trust and accepting as my brother, I’m afraid. My vote is something you’re going to have to work for.”  
  
“Jacob seems to not want to shoot me on sight. Can’t you trust his judgement?”  
  
“My brothers and I have all endured our own versions of hell. Mine has just left me with a wall around the epicenter of my trust that even Jacob’s army couldn’t break through. It’s going to take more than a few moved cages and seeing you cuddling with wolf pups to have me moving the nine millimeter from under my pillow while you’re sleeping under my roof.”  
  
John’s voice was even and cool and Declan could, just for a moment, see the man that Jacob had talked about earlier. He could imagine John in a courtroom, charming and convincing a jury that his client was innocent, no matter what the neon ‘guilty’ sign over their head claimed. He must’ve been one hell of a lawyer.  
  
“Do you really sleep with a gun under your pillow?” Declan asked stupidly, choosing that point to pick out of the entire spiel.  
  
“Come into my room uninvited and get the answer for yourself.” John smirked.  
  
“Hey, I was thinking…I left Boomer with Nick when your guys came and got me. I want to go get him. Can we do that? Please?”  
  
“Boomer? That gun mutt?” John asked skeptically.  
  
“Yeah. I saved him from the Pumpkin Farm and he’s been with me since. I’ve…grown a little attached. Can we bring him here? He’s low maintenance, he’s house trained, and I can take care of him.” John sighed at the end of Declan’s plea.  
  
“If the dog means that much to you, we can go get him when you get back from Jacob’s tomorrow. Father knows how much I enjoy toying with the Ryes, so that will be a bonus to see their Deputy on the opposing side now. The dog doesn’t sleep on my bed, though.”  
  
“The Ryes are good people, John…and why would he sleep in your bed when he’s my dog?”  
  
“Everyone is a good person in someone’s eyes, Declan. That doesn’t make it true.” John seemed to be completely ignoring the second half of the question.  
  
The truck came to a stop in front of the Ranch and John got out without hesitation, striding into the house with Declan scrambling to trail after him.  
  
There were a few various Peggies milling about the living room of the Ranch until John snapped “out” to them, his hand lifting to point to the front door. They didn’t hesitate before taking their leave and darting out of the house. John waited until the door closed behind them before collapsing into one of the ornate arm chairs, his hand dragging over his face slowly.  
  
“John?” Declan asked quietly. He hadn’t taken the time at Jacob’s to really look at John, but there was something wrong, obviously. His normally meticulously kept hair had strands falling forward over his forehead, his blue silk shirt was slightly untucked and bunched around his waist, and he had far too many buttons on the top of his shirt undone. “What happened? Is everything okay?” Declan knelt slowly in front of John, one unsure hand resting on the other man’s knee.  
  
“I was betrayed. There was a small group of my Chosen that decided that they no longer believed. They joined the Resistance at Fall’s End. Mary May and her band of sinners have led them astray. After we spent months training them. How could they be so stupid?”  
  
“Coming from the other way, it’s easy to get confused. You always think that what you’re doing is the right path. You always think that you’re working for the greater good, no matter what side of the fight you’re on. It really comes down to who has the better PR guy to sell you on their side of things. Luckily for me, you were the Eden’s Gate hype man. It’s really hard to say no to you. So a few of them got led astray. You’ve got new people saying yes to you every day.”  
  
“I’m just…” John heaved out a sigh and kept his eyes closed, his hand dropping to his lap, knuckles brushing Declan’s. “I’m tired of being let down by the people that I invest time into. That I care for. It’s not fair.”  
  
“No, it’s not. But there’s always going to be things that aren’t fair, John. Especially in the position you’re in. But, I’ll be there to help you move past them. That’s my job. Just ask your wacky older brother.” He tried for humor, one side of his mouth quirking upward. John snorted softly and nodded.  
  
“Yeah, Joseph did say that you’re special. I think it remains to be seen. But, you’re certainly growing on me, Deputy.”  
  
“Like a beloved family pet?”  
  
“More like a fungus.” Declan scowled, straightening up with a soft groan at the cracking of his knees.  
  
“I’m starving. How about I make us some dinner?”  
  
“You can cook?” John raised an eyebrow. Declan scowled in response.  
  
“Yes, asshole, I can cook. I’m a grown man.” He paused for half a beat. “Does spaghetti work?’  
  
The laugh that John responded with started as a soft chuckle before slowly building until the other man was clutching his stomach and laughing so hard his eyes were watering. It was such a “normal” thing to see John doing that it was almost too much to handle and Declan started laughing as well until they were both gasping to catch their breath.  
  
“It’s not even that funny, you jerk.” Declan hiccupped, standing himself up straight once he’d caught his breath and wiping at his eyes. John pawed at his own eyes, his laughter finally dying down enough for him to respond.  
  
“I know it’s not that funny, I don’t know why I laughed so hard. But, yes, spaghetti is fine. I’ll make the sauce.”  
  
“I can do that, John. Where do you keep your cans of sauce?” John’s face went completely still before he mumbled his response.  
  
“I always make my own sauce. It’s a recipe I learned from my mother. Before…well, before. I can teach you. If you want.” Declan nodded slowly.  
  
“I’d like that. I’ve never had anything other than canned sauce. My mother wasn’t really a ‘home cooked meal’ kind of person…”  
  
“You said she wasn’t…did she pass?” They were getting dangerously close to “friends don’t talk about this without being friends for years” territory, but Declan didn’t feel the usual curl of acid around the bottom of his throat and the anxiety pounding in his heart that he usually had to deal with when someone asked about his parents.  
  
John was different. John wasn’t just anyone asking about why he was moving away from his family without telling them where he was going. John had been through some shit too.  
  
“No, she’s still alive.” He replied soflty. John eyed him carefully.  
  
“Why do you refer to her in the past tense, then?”  
  
“She kicked me out. So, to my mother, my father and my sisters, I may as well just consider them dead since they don’t want to talk to me anymore.” His throat spasmed around the words and he could feel the familiar, unwelcome burn at the corners of his eyes.  
  
“Why did she kick you out?” This was very unlike John. He wasn’t being pushy or agitated that he needed to keep pulling information from Declan. He had an idea that John had some sort of idea that this was going to be a tough admissions for him.  
  
“You’re going to want me to leave the Project, John. Please don’t make me say it.” He knew his voice was pathetic as he was basically begging.  
  
“Tell me, Declan.”  
  
“My mother said that the church couldn’t love me and that she couldn’t love me if they didn’t because…I’m…bisexual.” He cringed, waiting for John to draw back and send him on his way or put a bullet in his head. But it didn’t happen. Instead he felt John’s hand curl around the back of his neck, pulling him in to press the foreheads together.  
  
“We love you. And we will take you. Just as you are, Declan. You were made exactly as you were meant to be. Never forget that."


	3. The Mess of Me, The Best of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely satisfied with this chapter but here it is. As always, not beta'd all mistakes are mine. I'm a sucker for nightmare having John and sunrise heart to hearts.
> 
> Suggested music for the beginning of the chapter: "Rescue"- Hunter Hayes
> 
> Fair warning: I haven't read the Book of Joseph so I have taken some artistic liberties with John's back story. Apologies in advance.

It wasn’t the sun coming through his window or John’s hand shaking his shoulder that woke Declan. He couldn’t quite place what it had been at first. It was still dark outside the curtains covering the window and the county seemed to be silent, save for distressed sounds coming from down the hall.

He was on his feet and rushing toward John’s room before he could stop himself. It was only when he was faced with the dilemma of bursting into the room or knocking that he realized the gravity of what was coming. He’d never seen John’s room. Another distressed sound coming through the door made the decision for him and he pushed it open, stepping into the dark room.

“John?” He called out, trying to will his eyes to adjust to the dark so he didn’t end up going ass over elbows over a nightstand or something. He swept his hand along the all, searching frantically for a light switch. “Are you okay?”

The distinctive click of a handgun under the ragged snarl that resonated through the room made his blood run cold. Thankfully, his fingers landed on the switch and he flicked it up, flooding the room with light.

“John! John, it’s me!” He called out, his hands extended in front of him. John was bolt upright in the bed, his hair a wreck and sweat clinging to his bare chest. In front of him his hands were extended and clinging to the nine millimeter that Declan’s brain had conveniently forgotten to remind him about until that moment. “John, put the gun down…”  
John’s eyes were hazy and arctic blue, darting around the room wildly before settling once again on Declan. He could see the exact moment when John realized what he was doing. The man took a ragged gasp and lowered the gun, his thumb flicking the safety without a second thought as he set it on the night stand.

Declan’s feet were moving before he could actively give them the command and he settled on the edge of the obnoxiously large bed. His hands hung in the air between them indecisively for a moment before John let his head fall into his hands and his back heaved with a ragged breath. Declan’s hand settled on the damp skin between John’s shoulder blades comfortingly.

“Hey, it’s okay…it was just a bad dream.” He tried to make his voice as soothing as possibly, but he honestly had no way of knowing if it was actually working. He just circled his hand on John’s back until the other man’s breathing became something close to normal. “John?”

“You’re in my room.” Came the rumbled reply from behind John’s hands.

“You almost blew my head off and that’s the response you come up with?” Declan snorted, pulling his hand back enough so that it was simply resting on John’s shoulder. The other man finally lifted his head, his blue eyes rimmed with red as if he’d been crying behind his tattooed hands.

“You had fair warning about the gun being under the pillow, to my credit.” John’s attempt at humor was weak at best.

“Want to tell me what the nightmare was about?” Declan chanced, trying to make his expression as open and accepting as possible. “I know a thing or two about nightmares and it helps to talk about them, sometimes.”

“I…” John paused, his right hand going to absently scratch at the crook of his left elbow almost compulsively before he nodded. “But not here. Let’s go to the living room. We can start a fire and have some coffee.”

Declan stood, waiting for John to follow suit. He wasn’t entirely prepared to see the other man standing up in nothing but fleece pajama pants that were a tad too long. They were similar to his favorite pair back home and it made him miss them.

They made their way down the stairs and to the living room, stopping in front of the leather couch.

“I’ll make the coffee if you make the fire?” Declan tried, keeping it as a question. John tended to be more pliable and relaxed when he felt like he was the one making all of the decisions. He waited for a nod from the Herald before heading into the kitchen to wrestle with the expensive espresso machine he’d seen in there while making dinner.

By the time he finally got the machine to spit out two cups of decadent smelling coffee (grounds free and mostly not burnt was pretty much his standard back in his apartment) John had finished getting a fire going in the stone fireplace and was curled into himself in the center of the couch. Declan took a seat to his left and handed over one of the mugs of coffee which John immediately wrapped both of his hands around.

“Your coffee machine is heavenly, by the way.” He figured that small talk was a good way to start. For all his theatrics, John wasn’t going to be the type to just bare his soul after being seen the way that Declan had seen him.

“It’s one of my healthier vices that I’ve developed over the years, so I figured that I may as well invest in a good machine.” There was a few moments of silence before John spoke. “My parents…when I was younger they would hit me. My father started when he’d drink, and my mother would try to stop him at first, but…after a while I guess she realized that it was a good way to blow off steam. Jacob used to try to keep them off of me, but it didn’t always work. He’d send me into our room for Joseph to protect me while he tried to fight them or to reason with them. I was only about four when it started.”

Declan felt like his hand was about to crush the ceramic mug in his hand, but it would be a shame to send the cartoon airplanes shattering across the floor so he set it on the coffee table instead.

“They kept this up for…God, for years. They’d drink to the point of getting pissed off, then they’d come find me. The people that were supposed to protect me from the evils of the world were the ones that were embodying it instead. They inflicted pain, after pain, after pain, after pain and they…they drove me past my breaking point. All I could do was look at them from the floor that was covered in my own blood and say ‘yes’ until they told me I was crazy and hit me again. I was just a child, I couldn’t stop them. Sometimes they still creep into my dreams. They wait there for me where I can’t fight back again and where I don’t have Jacob to keep me safe.”

“How often do you have these nightmares?”

“Most nights. Last night was an odd reprieve.” John replied thoughtfully, taking a sip of his coffee. A clock on the mantel chimed and Declan glanced at it briefly. Three in the morning. “I don’t sleep much.”

“That explains quite a few things.” Declan attempted humor but only got a soft chuckle in response from John. His attention was drawn to the spot where John was running his thumb over the crook of his elbow again. “What happened there?” He gestured to the spot under John’s thumb. “Was it from them?”

“No, no. That…” A shuttered sigh echoed between them. “That was all me. I spent my childhood in and out of different foster homes. It was ‘difficult to find a permanent spot for a boy as troubled as me’. But I finally found the Duncans and they took me in, adopted me, put me through law school…they actually cared about me. When I got out of law school I was good. I mean I was extraordinary and that’s not arrogance, that’s fact.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” He didn’t miss John’s small smile at the compliment.

“I quickly became someone that everyone in the law community knew. And I had it all, Declan. Money, women, booze. All of it. When that…stopped being enough, I moved toward other vices. Drugs,” His thumb traced the track marks on his elbow that Declan hadn’t failed to notice but hadn’t commented on. Joseph had mentioned that John had a problem with saying yes too much sometimes. “Men…dangerous activity with more dangerous people. This is from that time in my life. That’s where Joseph and Jacob found me. Face down in my own apartment with a bed full of people, veins full of junk and a stomach full of booze. My brothers saved my life more than once.”

Declan watched John for a moment before realizing how uncomfortable and vulnerable the other man seemed. He reached one hand out and settled it over John’s, covering the sins inked over sinew, tendon and muscle. Hiding John’s sins under his own palm. He was sure Joseph would have something symbolic to say about that. He usually did.

“You overcame it. You’re here.” He knew, God he knew, it was a thin comfort but it’s all he could come up with around the rage that he felt bubbling in his chest for every person that had ever let John down or hurt him. Maybe he wouldn’t have turned out as crazy as he seemed sometimes if he’d had a normal childhood.

“I am. And so are you. Why is that?”

“I heard you yelling in your sleep so I came to make sure you were okay…”

“No, not here right now. Here, in Hope County. I don’t think you’re from here.” Declan cleared his throat, nodding slowly.

“You’re right, I’m not. I’m from the middle of nowhere Maine, actually.”

“Maine to Montana is quite the move for a spontaneous relocation.” John sipped his coffee slowly, hissing when he realized that it was still too hot.

“I told you, my mother kicked me out. She found out I was bi and she…lost it. Her and my father were really involved in the church so when they found out I didn’t fit the bill for the perfect bible thumping kid, they told me to pack my shit. I thought that my sister was going to at least stop them from trying to make me leave, but she…she was just as mad as they were. She looked me right in the eye and told me that I wasn’t her brother anymore.” Suddenly he could smell the cinnamon apple candle that his mother burned every day on the mantel and could hear the clattering of his father’s boots on the kitchen floor over his mother’s insistent screaming that he get the hell out of her house.

“Declan…” John prompted gently, shaking him out of his memories. He shook his head a little.

“Sorry. I, uh, I hadn’t ever planned on telling them, you know? I knew that they weren’t going to take it well, so I was just going to make sure that it wasn’t an issue until they were gone.” It sounded morbid when he said it out loud. “But, the pastor of our church saw me one night in the alley behind the movie theater. I had gone there with this senior from school, Adam. He was on the football team with me and I just…he was amazing. Blue eyes, dark hair, laughed at all my stupid jokes and had a million watt smile. I made the mistake of kissing him under a street light and the pastor was walking by. He pulled me off of Adam, told him to get home and he took me to the house so he could tell my parents. I was seventeen when they kicked me out.”

“They shouldn’t have done that. You were their child and they should have loved you the way that you are. I will never understand how hypocritical some religions can be.” He sighed softly and set his coffee mug down. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

The way John said it made it sound a lot like he thought it was a confession.

The way Declan felt made it feel a lot like it was.

***  
They sat in silence until the sky had begun to pinken on the horizon before John pulled out two worn sweatshirts and led Declan up to sit in the Adirondack chairs facing the East. The arms of the chairs were touching and their coffee mugs gave off steam in the cool morning air having just been refilled with fresh ground Colombian.

“There are a lot of beautiful things in this valley, but this? This is one that tops the list every time without contest. The sunrises are a sight to behold.” John spoke softly, as if he was trying to keep from breaking the stillness of the morning. His warm breath curled out between his lips like dragon’s smoke and Declan watched it slowly creeping toward the sky.

“I’m going to be exhausted by the time I get back from Jacob’s tonight.” He mused quietly, his eyes watching as his breath curled around John’s.

“You won’t be going there today. I sent him a message. I have sermons and cleansings today. I want you to come with me.” Declan’s eyebrows crept up his forehead in surprise.

“You…really? You want me to come with you?”

“I do. You’re going to be a Herald and I want our project members to get used to seeing you by my side. This seems a good place to start.”

“I thought you didn’t trust me?”

“I think we both know that we’ve made a significant transition in the trust process this morning, don’t we?” It was phrased as a question, but Declan knew that it wasn’t actually one. He simply grinned to himself and sipped his coffee, his eyes closing when the smell of the beverage wafted out of his mug. “We’ll consider this part of your atonement.”

The sun was nearly over the mountain and he couldn’t say that John was wrong. The sunrise across the Holland Valley was easily one of the most beautiful things that he had ever seen. He finally realized why it was called Big Sky Country.

“Jacob, Faith and Joseph will also be having dinner with us this evening. We’re going to be having a barbeque.”

“…a barbeque.” John let his head swivel toward Declan with a nod.

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?”

“No, I love meat on a fire as much as the next guy, it just seems a little…domestic. I wasn’t expecting it.” John laughed softly, his hand extending to pat Declan on the arm.

“We’re a normal family, Declan. We have barbeques and we argue over what shows to watch on holidays that we spend together. We’re not a side show.” Declan couldn’t think of a response that wasn’t sarcastic so he hummed softly instead. “Now. We have a bit of time before our first sermon. What do you say we shower, change and see about getting that mongrel mutt of yours back?”

Declan had never said yes so fast in his life and it was worth it to see the million watt grin on John’s face.

***

There was a light on in the living room of the Rye residence and Declan bit back a sigh. It would’ve been easier if Nick had slept in for once in his damned life and Declan could’ve just grabbed Boomer and left.

John, of course, had his publicity smirk plastered across his face and his aviators sitting on his nose when he rounded the front of the truck and leaned against the side, his arms over his chest and his ankles crossed.

“I’ll wait right here. Go get your dog.”

“Can you please just…they’re good people. Don’t torture them too much through this, okay? For me?” He didn’t need to see John’s eyes to know that he was rolling them.  
“I’ll be on my best behavior. Now hurry, we have somewhere to be.”

Declan straightened his shirt for reasons even he didn’t really know and climbed the few steps of the front porch. His hand was poised to knock on the door when it opened in front of him and he was greeted with Nick staring at him, coffee in hand. He wasn’t wearing sunglasses and it was unsettling to actually see Nick’s eyes.

“Dep?! Jesus, we figured you were dead!” Nick’s free arm came around Declan in a messy, back-slapping hug. When Nick pulled back he was smiling broadly. That is until his gaze caught sight of the other man in his driveway around Declan’s shoulders. “What the fuck…what’s that asshole doing here? Did he kidnap you? Why ain’t you shooting him between the eyes?!” All valid questions. None of which Declan wanted to answer.

“It’s…a long story. Nick, I’m here to get Boomer. Where is he?” As if on cue, a fuzzy head poked through the door and Boomer proceeded to lose his mind for a solid minute, jumping and yapping at Declan. He knelt carefully and scratched the dog all over his body. “Hey, buddy! Yeah, Dad missed you, too. I missed you so much.”

“Declan, I’m going to need you to shorten that long story and tell me what the hell is going on. Why are you on my doorstep to pick up your dog with John Seed?” Nick’s voice had a deadly chill to it and Declan glanced up at him. He was glaring daggers at John still, who had the gall to wiggle his fingers in a sarcastic wave.

“Morning, Nick. How’s the wife?”

“Fuck you.”

“Just making conversation, Rye, no need to get hostile.”

“Alright, boys, put ‘em away. Nick, I, uh…hell, there’s not really an easy way to say this, I guess. I joined the Project.” The look on Nick’s face would have been comical in any other situation. As it was, it was just gut wrenching.

“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to run that by me again because it sounded like you said you joined a damned cult.”

“That’s because I did. Look, I think…I think they’re right. If you just listen to them, you guys could probably come too.”

“You’re outta your mind, Dec. They’re going to kill you and I ain’t gonna be part of watching it. What do you think you’re doing, man? Did you even think this through?” Nick’s voice was an agitated whisper.

“I did. And I…I want to be there. I’m going to be a Herald.” Declan’s chest puffed up a bit instinctively when he said the word. It was growing on him.

“Then we’re going to have to kill you too.” There was a note of finality to the statement and then the door was shut in his face, leaving him staring at the spot that Nick had been with Boomer at his feet. He sighed and patted his thigh.

“C’mon, Boom. Come meet your new buddy.” He trotted down the stairs and gestured for John to get in the truck. “We should be moving in case he’s just going to get his gun.”

“Noted.” John rounded the front of the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. Declan opened the back door so that Boomer could jump in and by the time he was climbing into the front seat, Boomer was snarling at John liked crazy.

“Boomer, be nice. This is John and he’s a friend.” Declan reached over and patted John on the shoulder. The growling slowly subsided to annoyed grumbles as they pulled out of the driveway just in time to see Nick opening the door and flipping them the bird.

***

Declan should have known that John was going to be basking in his glory while preaching a sermon to the devoted masses. With his arms spread wide, Word of Joseph clasped in one hand and divine words falling from his lips. It was extraordinary to watch, really. He was pacing in sweeping strides from one side of the pulpit at the front of the church to the other, going on about The Collapse in that charismatic way of his.

“Brothers and sisters, I’m sure you’ve also noticed we have a new face this morning.” John turned toward Declan and extended one hand. “Come here, come say hello.” He stepped forward from his position standing behind John, trying not to flinch at how wet his jeans were. It turned out that standing in hip deep water for several cleansings would warrant ringing a change of clothes next time.

“You all know our beloved Deputy. He’s seen reason and is among our ranks, now. Make sure you give him a warm welcome. And spread the word that he’s one of ours now, he is not to be harmed. Go now, be well.” The Peggies in the pews began to file out slowly, chattering amongst themselves.

A few of the men and women stopped to thank John for the sermon or inviting him to family dinners. John smiled politely and indulged each and every person but politely declined their invitations. It shouldn’t have surprised Declan when some of them even started to stop and say their goodbyes to him.

They touched his arms or shook his hand, some of them even pressed their foreheads to his before moving along and filtering out the back door. What felt like an eternity later, it was just John and Declan standing in the church by themselves.

“You’re pretty good at this.” Declan said softly, leaning his hip against one of the pews and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, well. They don’t call me John the Baptist for nothing.” John packed all of his supplies into a tan, canvas bag before looking up at Declan. “Though preaching has always been more suited for Joseph than me.”

“Because you’d prefer to be getting your hands dirty?”

“Precisely.” John gave him a shark smile and a sultry wink as he slung the bag over his shoulder. “Now, we should get going. Joseph and Jacob will be at the Ranch soon for dinner.

“Good, I want to change out of these jeans. They’re starting to chaff.” He shook one of his legs, trying to get the wet denim to stop clinging to his skin. John stared, a little longingly at the material before seeming to shake himself out of it and heading toward the door of the church, truck keys dangling from one tattooed finger. Declan found himself eyeing the ink thoughtfully.

Once both men had climbed into the pickup truck, Declan finally voiced what he was thinking.

“I want another tattoo.” John’s hand froze halfway to the ignition and he turned to look at Declan.

“You do, hmm? What are you thinking of getting?”

“What do you think you’d give me? I want you to do it.” It was meant as a show of trust mostly, but it was also true. He’d been eyeing John’s tattoos for the last two days and it had him itching to have another one on his skin.

“I’m not sure. You’re a difficult read, Deputy.”

“I like these.” Declan offered up, his fingers going to trail over the Scales of Justice on the back of John’s arm. He didn’t miss the shiver going through the other man. When John spoke again his voice was a bit ragged.

“I think that’s fitting. You and I are, after all, the two sides of the scales. Where would you like to get them done?” Declan lifted a hand and pointed to the hollow of his hip. He didn’t want to get them in the same spot as John, that was just too much, and he figured his hip symbolized having both sides of the scales in his pockets. As cheesy as it seemed. “I, uh…that’s a good spot. We can do it tonight. Once everyone leaves.”

With that, John turned the truck over and pointed it toward the Ranch. Toward home.

***  
When they pulled up to the Ranch, there were already three cars parked in the driveway.

“Looks like they beat us here.” John mused, stepping out of the truck, his boots crunching in the gravel. Declan followed suit before letting Boomer out of the truck as well. The dog looked at him sleepily, stretched and yawned before jumping down and going on an important mission to sniff every inch of Seed Ranch before he would let himself rest.   
“Stick around, Boom. Don’t go wandering off.” He called after the wagging tail and floppy ears. He strode towards the house and was taken by surprise when he suddenly had his arms full of Faith.

“You’re here! You chose to stay! Jacob said that you had, but Jacob likes to tease me and tell me things that aren’t actually true, but you are! I’m so happy to see you, Declan.” She gushed, rubbing her face against the fabric of his shirt. He vaguely worried about her catching one of her eyes on the buttons.

“I, uh, yup. I’m here all right.” He nodded, patting at Faith’s back absently. She pulled back and grabbed one of his hands. There was really no stopping her even if he wanted to as she dragged him through the front door and made him plop onto the comfortable cushions of the leather couch. She sat far too close, but his pleading looks toward John were simply met with an amused smile and him holding his hands up as if to say “I can’t help you”.

“Faith, come now. Give him some room in his own home.” Joseph’s gentle command had Faith moving away with a bit of a pout. “Hello, Declan.” His soft palm came to settle on the back of Declan’s neck.

“Joseph.” He breathed out, immediately relaxing.

“How are you adjusting to life on the Ranch?”

“It’s perfect. John and I have settled in to each other’s habits for the most part, and the guest bed is the comfiest bed I’ve ever slept in.”

“That’s very good to here. We’re having trouble finding you a home of your own, so we don’t know how long you may be here. It’s must more simple if you are comfortable with staying here.” Declan smiled and gave a brief nod. He watched as Jacob started poking and prodding at John as older brothers do. When they were both distracted, Joseph’s hand closed around Declan’s elbow. “Come with me. We need to talk about John.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As fair warning, I am absolutely not happy with this chapter, but the more I stare at it the more I realize that it's not going to get much better. It's a short chapter because it's really just a transition. I also subscribe to the overuse cliche of Joseph "worrying about John" trope and the John and Dep being overly touchy trope. Sorry in advance.

Declan wasn’t used to someone being able to match his stride with his legs being as long as they were but Joseph seemed to be doing a decent job as the men walked through the grounds of the Ranch. A few feet behind them, Boomer trailed skeptically, his ears flattened to his head with his eyes trained on Joseph.  
  
“So…what did you need to talk to me about?” He asked after what seemed like hours of silence. He busied his hands by pushing one through his chestnut hair to push it off his forehead.  
  
“How is my brother adjusting to having company in his home?”  
  
“He’s…adjusting as well as you’d expect John to be adjusting. I think we’ve reached a good spot in our friendship.” He paused a moment before adding on to the statement. “I don’t really have to worry about him stabbing me in my sleep, if that helps?”  
  
There was something a little unsettling about the way that Joseph laughed, his hand settling on Declan’s shoulder.  
  
“Well, I am certainly comforted by the lack of murderous intent. Murder is, after all, a sin.”  
  
Declan heaved a sigh and closed one hand around Joseph’s elbow, the other man stopped in his tracks and looked at Declan through the yellow tint of his glasses.  
  
“I know you didn’t bring me out here to talk about your brother’s inclination to kill people. What do you want to say to me, Joseph?” The other man sighed quietly and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.  
  
“I’m worried about John. I’ve had visions of his death. I fear that if he stays on the path he’s on he will not make it to Eden. I fear he won’t even make it to the end of days.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And I’ve also seen him with graying hair, more laugh lines than one can count, and a happiness that is unmatched in all of our Garden.” Declan raised a brow and motioned for Joseph to continue. “With you, Deputy. He’s happy with you.”  
“With me…John is happy…with me?” He knew he was repeating himself, but he couldn’t make himself stop.  
  
“Yes. Very happy. Oh, Declan…how he’ll love you. Just as you’ll love him. My brother is misunderstood by many, and feared by even more, but with you by his side he will become a more extraordinary man than even he can ever imagine.” Joseph raised a hand and pressed it to Declan’s cheek, holding it there when Declan leaned into the touch. “You’ll walk with us through the gates and you’ll serve by John’s side. You just have to protect him. Keep him on the track that doesn’t let his wrath overtake him. Keep him grounded and don’t let him get dragged under when the demons of his past come calling with their teeth bared and claws sharpened. Do you think that you can do that for me?”  
  
“Yes, Joseph.” Declan didn’t hesitate. He couldn’t. It wasn’t something that he could explain, but he knew that Joseph was right. He knew it from the second he was dipped under the cool waters of the river. He just needed to hear it put into words to be able to accept it.  
  
“Good. Now, we’ve got dinner waiting for us, and I’m sure Jacob and John have made a mess of the living room by now.” The men turned and walked back toward the Ranch, Boomer trotting along behind them.  
  
“I just have one question before we get back there.”  
  
“Anything.”  
  
“Why me? I’m a nobody from the middle of the woods. What makes me worth the effort? What makes me better than any random person that John dragged into his bed before you found him again?” He cringed slightly when Joseph quirked a brow at the last statement.  
  
“I certainly hope you and my brother have not been living in sin, but you are special, Declan. The roots of one’s story do not make the end any less impactful. We came from nothing as well, but we will be the ones to lead our faithful into the Garden. Perhaps God chooses those that he knows will not take being ‘special’ for granted. Such as yourself.”  
  
Declan was silent the rest of the way back from the greenhouse, his eyes trained on the ground in front of him. Never in his life had someone called him special. Even his parents before they’d thrown him out hadn’t. He wasn’t entirely sure how to process it. And that wasn’t even getting started on the “John is going to love him” panic attack waiting to happen.  
  
When he and Joseph reached the Ranch John and Jacob were standing on the front patio staring at the smoking grill.  
  
“You have to flip that one.” John pointed at one of the burgers sizzling on the grill.  
  
“I know which burgers are ready to flip.” Jacob growled back, swatting at John’s hand with the spatula.  
  
“If you say so.” John was only silent a moment before crossing his arms over his chest and grumbled out his response. “It’s gonna burn.”  
  
“You’re thirty seconds from your face looking like mine when I press it on this grill, Johnathan.”  
  
“I’m going to have to call marshal law and veto that option. I have to live with him, I don’t want to hear the complaints.” Declan chuckled, coming to a stop beside the brothers. John’s head lifted and his gaze settled heavily on Declan, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.  
  
“We were wondering where you ran off to.” He took a small half step toward Declan as if he wanted to step closer but he wasn’t really sure if he could.  
  
“I had some things to discuss with our newest addition.” Joseph smiled serenely, his hand settling on Jacob’s shoulder. Declan noticed belatedly that Jacob was only wearing an olive drab colored t-shirt and not his usual Army jacket.  
  
“But he brought me back before he had to deal with Hangry Declan. What’s the sitrep with those burgers, Jacob?”  
  
It was odd…joking about his discussion with Joseph, being so at ease around the Seeds, seeing Jacob relaxed enough to ditch his proverbial armor and trying his damnedest not to blush under the constant gaze from John. Perhaps odd was an understatement.  
  
Had someone told him a week ago that that was where he was heading he would have told them that they were insane. But there he was, waiting for Jacob Seed to pull burgers off the grill so that he could sit around a table with the brothers for dinner.  
  
“They’re done now. No need to get…hangry.”  
  
“It’s a real word.”  
  
“Mhm, I’m sure it is.” Jacob nodded sarcastically, plating the burgers and turning off the grill.  
  
“Google it.” Declan held the front door open so that the other men could pile in. Boomer shuffled past him, the dog’s nose glued to the ground snuffling his way into the Ranch. “What d’ya think, Boom? Sweet digs, huh?” Declan tried to keep his voice quiet, but not quiet enough he found when John snorted a soft laugh.  
  
“I’m sure the mutt doesn’t really know the difference between our Ranch and the matchstick place that he was staying at with the Ryes.” Declan knelt to scratch behind Boomer’s ears and glanced up at John.  
  
“’Our Ranch’, huh?”  
  
“I…I meant ours as in The Project’s…Ranch.” John stammered, the tips of his ears turned a faint shade of pink and he cleared his throat. “Shut up.”  
  
Declan sighed dramatically and stood, his hand patting John’s chest gently.  
  
“That’s it, then? Honeymoon phase over? We didn’t even get to consummate the marriage first.”  
  
“Must you be so crass, Deputy?” John narrowed his eyes, his chest stiff under Declan’s fingers.  
  
“It’s worked for me this long, I figure I’m doing something right.” Declan smirked as he leaned in just barely, instinctively.  
  
“That’s…sound logic, I suppose.” John’s voice was quiet, a bit raspy and far closer to Declan’s face than he realized.  
  
“Am I interrupting something?” Came a melodic voice from behind them. Declan and John jumped apart, both of them smoothing a hand down their shirts. Faith giggled behind her hand.  
  
“Hey, Faith…” He breathed out quietly. Faith gave him a knowing grin and he smiled back at her before she bounded off to find Joseph and Jacob in the kitchen.  
  
“We should go check on dinner. Joseph has a tendency to put…interesting condiments on burgers.” John muttered, his hand running over his hair and his gaze pointedly directed anywhere that wasn’t at Declan.  
  
“Define interesting.”  
  
“Trust me on this. You’re going to want to get in there.” Declan headed toward the kitchen right behind John, only briefly stopping to chuckle when he saw Boomer sprawled out and snoring on the leather couch.  
  
When they entered the kitchen Joseph was, in fact, hunched over a burger and piling it high with what looked like shredded beets and carrots.  
  
“How is that not one of the sins you preach about?” Declan whispered as he leaned closer to John so that Joseph didn’t hear him.  
  
“Just be thankful that it’s his burger and not everyone’s this time. Usually he decides that we all need to partake in his experiments. Most of them are bad. And that says a lot, we’ve tried Jacob’s mystery meat concoctions.” Jacob scoffed from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter, his arms over his chest.  
  
“It was venison and elk, John. I don’t think that qualifies as mystery meat.”  
  
“You set it down and said ‘don’t ask questions, just eat it’. That makes it mystery meat.” John grabbed the plate of burgers and headed toward the kitchen table, setting them in the middle. Faith was busy with setting out plates and silverware at each of their settings.  
  
Jacob handed Declan a massive bowl of potato salad to carry to the table while he grabbed a bowl of suspiciously watery looking mac and cheese.  
  
“You all mock me, but you’ll be sorry when I find the perfect burger pairing and don’t share it with you.” Joseph settled at the head of the table without hesitation, his eyes still trained on his burger. There was a dark bottle next to his plate that Declan hadn’t seen him bring in and Joseph eyed it a moment before upending it and drizzling dark liquid over the top of his burger.  
  
“Is that my balsamic dressing? Do you know how hard it was to find someone to make that for me?” John sighed, his chin resting on his hand from his seat beside Joseph.  
  
“Well, now that you’ve found someone who is capable of making it, getting more shouldn’t be an issue.” Joseph gave John a smile, his eyes mischievous behind his glasses. Who knew that Joseph Seed could be such a little shit? “Shall we say grace?”  
  
Declan watched as the siblings took each other’s hands wordlessly. Faith grasped his from across the table, his knuckles brushing the top of the potato salad and making him cringe. Beside him, John turned his hand palm up on his own thigh, his fingers extended. Declan slipped his hand into John’s swallowing down the hitch that caught in his throat when John’s fingers closed around his hand.  
  
He watched the siblings lowering their heads, their eyes fluttering closed and he followed suit.  
  
“Lord, we thank you for this day. For bringing my family here together to share in this meal. We may have different blood, but we are truly family and you have blessed us with such beautiful bonds. Continue to watch over our Project with your loving eye and your guiding hand so that we may, one day, walk in the Garden by your side. Amen.”  
  
A chorus of ‘amen’ rang out over the table and Declan barely had a moment to pull his hand back from Faith’s before Jacob and Faith were digging into the food, piling onto their plates while Joseph inspected his burger critically. John didn’t, though. He kept his hand firmly tucked around Declan’s, his arctic eyes locked onto where their fingers had tangled together before slowly withdrawing his hand.  
  
Declan stared at John, his jaw slightly slack and his fingers flexing where they were alarmingly cold now. There had been a spark between his skin and John’s that he was going to attribute to static electricity and nothing more than that. John stared back, his gaze unblinking.  
  
“Eat, Declan. You must be hungry.” He rasped out quietly, gesturing with his head to the plate of burgers.  
  
“I, uh, yeah. Starving.” Declan stammered, coming back to himself and shaking his mind clear.  
  
“You two wanna be alone?” Jacob asked around a mouthful of food, his brow raised as he used his burger to gesture between John and Declan. “I’m sure we can give you a minute if you guys want to…bang out the details on this new living arrangement.”  
  
“Jacob, your place at this table is not unshakeable. More comments like that and you will be eating outside among the animals.” Joseph chided softly, dabbing at his mouth with his napkin before taking another bite and humming softly. “This may be the best combination I’ve found yet.”  
  
The family dissolved into chatter, thankfully, and Declan proceeded to eat what felt like twice his body weight in potato salad and burgers. Food baby would have been an understatement.  
  
There was a lot of stalling once their meals had finished before they loaded the dishes into John’s dishwasher and walked the three siblings to their vehicles. Declan said his goodbyes and moved to stand on the porch while John bid his siblings good night.  
  
The air was cool against his skin, the first tendrils of fall had begun to creep in slowly and he rubbed his arms gently to keep away the goosebumps. His brow furrowed when he saw Joseph lean in to whisper something against John’s ear, the other man’s gaze on Declan while he spoke. He’d have to ask John what that was about.  
  
John watched the three vehicles until the lights were no longer visible. When he joined Declan on the porch, he was quiet.  
  
“What’d Joseph say?” There was no point in beating around the bush, he figured.  
  
“I’m sure you know what he said. My guess is it was the same thing that he said to you on your little stroll earlier.” Declan sighed softly and nodded. “Don’t seem so thrilled about the prospect of loving me one day, Deputy.”  
  
“It’s not that, honestly. It’s…just a lot to take in in less than a week. Joining a cult isn’t something I make a point of doing on a daily basis, then if you add onto that that I’m going to be a herald and, apparently, I’m supposed to end up with someone who at one point tried to drown me...it’s been an interesting few days.”  
  
He didn’t intend for it to happen, really. He was just planning on passing it off as an off-handed comment, but Declan was tired. It really had been an exhausting week and he was too tired to try to figure out the feelings that he was supposed to develop (possibly was already developing) for John without at least twelve uninterrupted hours of sleep.  
  
“It’s understandable. When Joseph found me in Atlanta it took a long time for me to truly believe what he was saying. Of course I trusted him, he’s my brother after all, but leaving the life that I’d built, as screwed up as it may have been, was terrifying. No one is asking you to take this all in stride, Declan. In fact, I’d be more concerned if you were.” John’s hand landed on his shoulder, thumb stroking over the pulse point on his neck. “But we’re going to help you adjust. My family and I are going to be here for you every step of the way until we’re in Eden.”  
  
“How do you know that he’s right?”  
  
“That’s a simple answer. Faith. I have faith. You’ll learn to have faith the longer you’re here. I promise.” Declan nodded slowly and turned toward the front door, holding it open and followed John into the Ranch.  
  
Boomer was still laying on the couch, but his eyes were open to watch them lazily, his tail thumping against the leather.  
  
“Your dog is on the couch.”  
  
“You said nothing about the couch, you said he couldn’t sleep on your bed.” John grumbled and leaned over to brush his fingers over Boomer’s head briefly.  
  
“I suppose he’s kind of cute.”  
  
“Don’t worry, John, I won’t tell anyone that you’re secretly a dog person.” Declan smirked when John scowled at him and withdrew his hand like he’d been burned.  
  
“I wouldn’t press the buttons of the man that you asked to permanently ink your skin, Deputy.”  
“Fair point.”  
  
“I can go get my machine if you’re up for doing the scales tonight…Jacob does want you back in the mountains tomorrow, though.” Declan nodded eagerly.  
  
“Yeah, I can sleep when I’m dead. Go grab that tattoo gun, let’s make my mother even more disappointed in me.”

  



End file.
